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  • Writer's pictureKatie Beucus

On God

I’ve been thinking about God a lot lately.

Aaron’s faith was always firm. It never wavered, not once. He was never afraid. He leaned heavy into his trust in God, and used that to create peace and joy around him through his trials.

I too believe in God, which some may find hard to believe because I am also such a believer in science. I know not everyone believes in God and that some have beliefs other than God, and that’s ok. I can only speak to my own experience and evolution of faith. I know seeing is not believing, but I have experienced too many God moments in the last two years to deny existence.

When Aaron was in the ER waiting on admission for surgery Aaron’s mom had traded places with me for a few hours so I could get some sleep at home. During that time a cleaning woman came in.  We had spent so much time in the ER prior to surgery and we never once encountered a cleaning person with the exception of this woman. She left and came back with blessed oil asking Aaron if she could pray over him and then proceeded to do so.

Then on the day of Aaron’s second surgery I came down to the cafeteria for lunch. There was an older woman with these glassy blue eyes who walked straight up to me. She was wearing a coat that resembled that of which Joseph was given. She looked me right in the eyes and asked if I believe in Jesus to which I replied yes. She stated that I was a good and faithful child and would be blessed, before she left and walked into the cafeteria. Now at this time, the seating area was still closed so there was only one way in and one way out. I never saw her inside, and I never saw her come back out.

Weeks go by and I need to call Aaron’s Surgeon for chemotherapy clearance. Their office is incredibly busy but the woman who answered my call began to look at Aaron’s chart and talk to me about his case, and us and our family. As we finished she said she really wasn’t supposed to do this, but she wanted to pray with me if that was ok. And so we prayed.

At the end of January, after Aaron was discharged for the last time, we stopped at CVS so I could pick up about a dozen prescriptions while Aaron and my brother hung out in the car. Many of his medications had severe contraindications, but when you’re dying processes in the body change and so some of those side effects are actually beneficial for care and comfort. The pharmacist was initially very concerned and then I explained why they were prescribed to which he replied, “No. No. He is too young. May I have your name, so I can pray for you both?”

Then, on Friday, February 3rd, we knew Aaron was transitioning. He told me himself. He was in the clouds and he saw our sweet Ellie waiting for him. One of our neighbors had asked a while back if she could pray over Aaron, so I called her and asked if she would come. My brother, Aaron’s parents and I sat with him as he drifted in and out of consciousness and eventually into a deep sleep. When our neighbor arrived she asked if she could sit and pray in our living room first just to feel what God was speaking into her heart. When she was finished she joined us in the bedroom and began to pray over Aaron with great love and passion. As soon as she finished, Aaron’s eyes shot wide open. He looked straight at her and said, “Thank you. I heard all of that, it was beautiful, thank you so much!” And then he proceeded to reach over to his bedside table for his Bible and asked her to read from it.

I couldn’t even look at my brother because ever since we were kids when something unexpected would happen or we were in situations that felt very tense, the second we lock eyes we crack up. I’ll be 35 in just over two weeks and I still haven’t outgrown that inappropriate expression of emotion.

Aaron remained fully conscious for over an hour after that. It was time that allowed family and friends to come say good bye, to hear his voice one last time, to hug him and be hugged back. And then as I left the room to say goodbye to some guests, he slipped back into a deep sleep. God answered our neighbors prayers, right in front of us. He gave us just a little more time.

From the second Aaron took his final breath I felt nothing but gratitude to, and comfort from, God. I wish there were words to adequately describe that experience. It was as if I could see his spirit exit his body as he turned his head toward me and exhaled, a stillness and peace fell upon him that I hadn’t seen in over a year. It may be hard to imagine, but it was quite possibly the most beautiful thing I have had the privilege of witnessing. I was disappointed Aaron couldn’t be healed here on Earth but I don’t think God gave Aaron cancer just like I don’t believe God chose for him to not be healed here on Earth. I do believe God carried us through and that he healed Aaron in the only way he could, by calling him home when he knew Aaron was ready. God brought him home because he loves him and he loves us. It’s why I’ve never been angry with God for what’s happened. How can I be mad at something they didn’t do and couldn’t fix.

Aaron put his whole heart and trust in God and often said, whatever happens, I’m ok. I’m going to be ok. His faith was huge and undeniable, and I know he believed he would be ok no matter what to his core.  Aaron had already endured so much suffering and there is no way I could have asked him for more. That morning I told him that I loved him enough to let him go, I assured him it was ok, that we would be ok, because I could not possibly ask him for more. He deserved to be healed and I feel like as much as I wanted him here, it would have been so greedy of me to not free him to be healed in heaven.

We have been loved so well by our family and friends and I’ve have had the opportunity to meet new people through this experience too, each of whom have entered my life with such overwhelming kindness. Our crossing of paths intentional for reasons I don’t fully understand. I know that nothing I experience is uncertain to God. He was at work in my past, He’s here in my present, and He holds my future. I hold fast to His promises and trust that He is good.


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1 comentário

Kelly Thompson
Kelly Thompson
23 de mai. de 2023

Such a beautiful testimony to Aaron and for God. Praise God daily, he is always by your side. You write so beautiful, you have a God given talent. Thank you for sharing this with us. I love you Katie and kids! God bless you all and keep you safe. When you feel like you have a day that you just can’t make it, remember this verse, it has helped me daily in my struggle with cancer but I know God will see me thru this time. This is the verse: I can do all thing thru Christ which strengthens me. Love you Katie!❤️

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